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adrian got mad at me yesterday... that usually doesnt happen... ...he was mad because im very stupid... not that he said it like that... i disappointed him by still hanging out with zach... i disappointed my friends... my mom... and probably zach.

I kind of want to move away o_O

:| I feel very unhappy at this particular moment ... i mean it'll pass and all but...ugh.

O_o; still waiting for those @#$@$! anti-depressants to kick in.

...maybe i should just start smoking pot o_O

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my brother seemed really upset this morning, and i didnt know why, so I looked in his livejournal to see if he made a post about it...then i read that...then realized i hadnt read his in a while, so I was reading to see what he's been I dunno posting about the last several weeks...

anyway, I found this...i know its a month old...but it really hurt my feelings... i get him being mad... because although i'd like to think i only snap at him when he isn't listening to me when I 'ask' to be left alone... I have vague recollections of me snapping at him before he had a chance to...and I probably didn't apologize. Guess it freaked me out that he'd been sitting downstairs thinking about how much he wanted to yell at me, and how sick of me he was, while I was in my room probably sulking or crying or something. I can't remember what happened that day. Well i know what happened i think that night that got me upset... but according to the entry, it was just barely the 21st...like midnighty... anyway...

i like went to his room and yelled at him x_x; and he got really mad and started um "yelling obscenities" ...which he doesn't really ever do.. usually he just...does everything HARDER...like walking = stomping, putting stuff down = slamming stuff down...

he was like breathing violently and i thought he was going to get so upset that he was going to have a seizure or something... and... well im upset all the time...so whatever...but he's not... and i felt bad.... so I decided I would try to figure out how HE was feeling... X-x; and then i think maybe i helped a little bit... okay i hope i did... cause im not a very helpful sister... I suck.


I'm having a bad weekend o___O;; jeez. maybe i shouldnt talk to anyone until im not all emotionally unstable...


So...see you guys next year...

X-journal client

...live journal client...does it work??

..another post

So there's this problem I have with loud thuds... on those rare and scary occasions when my brother has an epileptic seizure...he tends to fall...usually out of his chair, because he's usually on the computer when it happens. (well... its always a screen at least) ...and then there's this loud thud cause he's a big guy and all... So pretty much everytime I hear a loud thud from downstairs, I'll get up and rush out of my room...walk to the top of the stairs, and listen... minus once last year...I always hear typing...so I know he's fine... then I wonder absentmindedly what the thud really was, and wander back to my room. The last couple of times he's had a seizure I actually havent been around... the last one he had when nobody was even home... so it's good nothing bad happened to him...cause i dont think anyone was back for a few hours... then the one before that happened a while back when he was still in college a year+ ago... 2.2 he was using his gameboy at school and had one... and the one before that was the one where the loud thud really was him.

That said, I tend to panic when I hear that noise.

So a couple of hours ago... long after ronnie and i were done with the being mad, and i'd made a rather delicious pan of enchiladas that the entire family found edible...(shock)... I heard this loud thud. ... Had this delayed reaction and then did the running out of my room thing and said "what was that?" loudly... then my mom came out of her room and said the exact same thing... then I realized I could hear weird sort of distressed groany noises coming from ronnie's room... so naturally I freaked out... he fell... I think he fell on his space heater...or knocked it over when he fell (wasnt on or anything like that) ... but him and the heater were sort of blocking the door...which made me panic more... and... I mean clearly he hasnt ever died or anything from a seizure...or almost died... but I mean I always freak out...and I couldn't push the god damn door open so that was making it worse... :| then I got in and I think I was turning him over and going "ronnie? ronnie!!" ...which I don't know why I did that... he can't really understand me whilst seizing... it's sort of like a nap. except his eyes arent always closed and he throws up, and then later his muscles her alot. ...so it's not really like a nap...

my mom was totally calm though... I guess she knows it'll pass and he'll be fine... but it takes me alot longer to calm down... cause I mean he's on the floor... and unconscious and all...

...there was some vomitting... x_x ewwww... at one point...he wasnt really awake but he slightly projectile vomitted and almost got me o_o; s' kind of gross... but some how lightened my mood o_O;;

well until I could smell it and then see it and all and then I got sick and had to run off... vomit party :<

anyway...hes resting now...with the damn TV on @___@;; that cant be good.

Im going to punch him tomorrow though... I mean...he was upset from the moment he got up... until...probably 2 or 3 this afternoon...so there's that stress in his brain... and then he SAID he'd been having lil blackouts at the computer so he was going to get off... except then he was using it the entire time I was cooking -_-;; then he went in his room and played Disgaea and ...well we know what happened next.


-- well. im glad I got that out. x_x. thanks for reading.

<3 doma
:[ im going to have to take his TV away. and his computer. and his gameboy.