violue: (jensen)
omg so I'm sitting on the bus and a girl gets in and sits down behind me. she's on her cellphone obviously talking to some guy. She's asking when they're getting back together, and when he's going to be done with the girl he's seeing now. She asks if he's using protection with the woman he's seeing now, and he asks why or something I guess because she's like "because I don't want you having kids with anyone but me!" and then she's saying "so she has an IUD? that's good." and then she's offering to buy him condoms and making plans to meet up and it was just the saddest fucking thing I've witnessed in a long time.

I wanted to turn around and tell her... something. like "run" or "there's no way this ends well for you" because I've been that dumbfuck girl begging for scraps from some asshole guy, and I know there's no happy ending there, even if she gets him in the end, what are the chances they'll be happy with that dynamic?? just, ugh.  but of course I didn't say anything, because well she's a damn stranger. then when I got off the bus I could see her touching up her makeup and that just made it even sadder because obviously she wants to look good for this guy. ugh it was just depressing.
violue: (jensen)
Today I learned my neighbor believes that vaccinations cause autism, and is WAY crazier than I thought. He saw this one pastor's wife that rides the bus and wanted to talk to her. He's Catholic(or was), and she's.. I forgot... Lutheran?? Presbyterian? and last time I saw her on the bus, he was asking her questions about differences in their religion. I think he was having a crisis of faith or something. She was pretty patient with him even though he was talking in circles.

Anyway so today he saw her and sat down across from her, and asked what she thought about vaccinations. She was like "...?" And he started saying "blah blah autism"... and she tried telling him that vaccinations have saved a lot of people, and that people with autism can still lead good lives(she clearly didn't believe that vaccinations actually cause autism).. and he was like "Are you saying autism is a good thing?!"

He said that Bill Gates was infiltrated by the devil, and that he's trying to give people in India polio, and he has his sights set on killing all the kids in Africa. And he started saying we should be worried, especially with Obamacare. Huh??

Then she tried placating him by saying something about Jesus being our protector. And then he started going ON and ON about abortion, and how there's 50 million abortions performed every year... and how there's some law in the senate to kill babies that are up to age 3. And then the woman started questioning his sources.

Then he started going on about nephilim and giants being created with DNA(?) And that he said kids are being taught to masturbate in school at ages 4 and 5. And he said "do you believe that?" and she said "no, I don't believe that, I have a 5 year old, and she's not learning to masturbate." so deadpan I almost started laughing... then he started implying she was ignorant... and that she didn't know what was REALLY going on, since she can't be with her kid 24/7.

I kept wanting to yell at him to leave the woman alone, but I'm a big fat chicken.

He went on about a bunch of crap for a while, then started talking about the government spraying chemicals in the air specifically to kill us... and that the Colorado theater shooting was a conspiracy to take our guns, and that it was STAGED.

Then he started talking about the upcoming apocalypse, and someone behind him agreed with him and the second he turned his head, she started reading the book she had with her, that she'd been reading when we got on the bus, probably hoping he'd like get the hint... which he didn't. Then he started talking about the apocalypse for a few more moments, and she said "I'm going to finish my book now, but good talk." and set herself free. This entire conversation was over the course of like 25 minutes. Then he started chatting with one of his other buddies behind him about other random shit...

At that point I went to finally put my headphones on like I usually do, and discovered they weren't there. I left them at home -_- I almost started crying. But he was mostly done talking at that point.

PS Apparently my neighbor recommends a site called INFOWARS, but I haven't given it a read.
violue: (scrubs)
I'm copy-pasting most of this from a comment I just made on FFAF on ONTD. Might as well stick it here too, it's entry-worthy.

tw: rape )
violue: (Default)
You never loved me
You never believed in me
And you're pretentious

violue: (Default)
This isn't a light-hearted entry, just so we're clear... and at some points it's a tad graphic I guess.

Here be your self-harm trigger warning )

Bad Omen

Feb. 10th, 2012 10:18 pm
violue: (Default)
A few months ago, my mom gave me a fortune cookie in a wrapper. It was empty. My mom said "Huh. It must mean your future is wide open!" Yeah right, mom.
violue: (Default)
When I was a kid, probably 7 or 8 or 9... there was a song we sang in choir class called Child of the Universe. The first lyrics are "The sun is only a star, around that star we spin," and I was afraid that saying the sun was "only" a star would anger it.
violue: (Default)
My cat, Misa, went outside one day two years ago and just never came home. She was only like a year and a half old, and yet I was so attached to her. Hell, I still miss her. There's this little toy that Misa loved. It started out as one of those dingly bells attached to a fluffy mouse looking thing, attached to a string, attached to a black stick. But, after months of wear and tear, the stick and half the string ended up gone. But she still LOVED that thing. If I wanted to find her all I had to do was jingle that bell. In fact when I was looking for her, I brought it with me hoping she'd hear it. I used to put it somewhere when I was sleeping, because it was hard to sleep when she was playing with it at all hours. The last time I put it away, it was under the cushion of a living room chair. It's still there now. Every time I think about throwing it away, or even just giving it to one of the other cats to play with, I get so upset.

Well, I've gotten that out. Cheers.
violue: (Default)
I think some time it might be fun to go to a store and purchase all the kinds of things that people get embarrassed about buying at the same time and watch the cashier's reaction. So like tampons, preparation h, adult diapers, yeast infection medicine, condoms, lube... and then some teen magazines.
violue: (scrubs)
So there's actually an upside to running out of my mood stabilizers. I have more good moods. I mean they're fleeting and are often followed by a crash, and I get agitated easier...but like I said. I have more good moods mixed in with the Meh's and the UUUUAUGHAKEGHKAEGALG's.
violue: (mishaenlightened)
That whole "is the glass half full, or half empty?" personality identifier is so stupid. The logical answer is it depends on if the glass started off empty or full. If you have an empty glass and you fill it halfway, your glass is half full. If you have a full glass and you empty it halfway, your glass is half empty. I don't see what that has to do with optimism and pessimism.
violue: (whore)
I don't understand people who say "dammit." Or why that's the version spellcheck accepts. Damn + it. You put the words together and you get damnit. There's no M created out of the ether, ok?
violue: (scrubs)
Ryan has interesting stories.

Isn't it past your bed time

I don't work tomorrow

me either(it's a joke. i have no job)

I work too much now
It sucks

why did you get another job?

I didn't want it
Most people here make about $2 per hour
So I told him I want $25 per hour if they want me to work there
and they said yes
I didn't expect it

yeah but
if you dont want it
and you dont need it

I never quit anything. I'm scared to quit things

tell that to best buy and bi-mart!

I quit those places because I moved
I quit Taco Bell because they wouldn't let me eat a burrito out of the trash
I think that was the only job I quit without moving.

excuse me?


oh come on
dont act like you dont know what im talking about

I didn't quit any other jobs
I just kinda stopped doing some things, but I never quit

dude why were you trying to eat a burrito out of the trash

When we mess up on an order we're supposed to just throw it away
so I just went on break and ate it.

thats not out of the trash

actually, that wasn't the main reason

you misled me

I set it on top of the trash first
the main reason was that I got an employee discount meal at the beginning of my shift
then I tried to get one on my break, but my manager was a dick and said not only did I already have the first one, but i had the free trash burrito, so I couldn't get another one.
so I quit


and I callled my friends who worked there and they quit too
I wrapped the burrito up before I set it on the trash
it was a clean trash anyway
it was behind the counter and just had stuff for packaging and other mistake food

//end relevant conversation text//
violue: (aniscrubs)
I try to tell myself it will be different this time. This time around, I'll be prepared, I won't be afraid, I'll face things head on, and I try so hard. But still, it goes the same way. Once again, when the toast popped out of the toaster, I was startled.
violue: (Default)
I haven't viewed my friends page literally in years. Maybe I should start reading it daily or something.

violue: (aniscrubs)
 When I was an adolescent and saw Roots, I was confused when they slaves weren't understanding their masters, because they spoke english perfectly in the first part of the movie.

When I was a kid, I was good at things like reading, math, spelling, logic crap, etc. I was in the 'smart kids' group at one point.

And yet, I was also a total moron.

Midget Porn

Aug. 1st, 2011 06:55 pm
violue: (Default)
I haven't shared any of my conversations with people in a while. Probably because I don't have many... except for when I spend 10 hours IMing [ profile] secretbutterfly ... anyhoo. This is a conversation with John, who is listed as my fiance on facebook. (I don't care how uncool it is to list friends as family, and my uncle [ profile] cickiz , my mother [ profile] theexecutioner , and my sisters [ profile] emotional_chica and [ profile] secretbutterfly know how cool I am)

I have a funny story for you.
I was looking at funny pictures, and one was one of those demotivational pictures. It was of a well-endowed midget.
I was talking to my brother later, and I told him about it. I told him I was so disturbed by the picture, because if midgets have large dicks, that means they are real people.

Midgets. )

I won the conversation.
violue: (Default)
I don't know how I managed to leave these out. They're a big part of my little story.

More merry rays of sunshine on the way! )


Jun. 5th, 2011 11:50 pm
violue: (Default)
A few days ago I was talking to someone about a comment I'd left on ONTD a while back about the sad sad story of Zach, often referred to on LJ/Twitter as "the evil-ex"... I remembered exactly which post it was, mostly because it was an Amanda Seyfried post with a more or less memorable title "Amanda Seyfried Scared Of Sex".. Anyhoo found the post right away, was going to go through it, then just...left it in a tab and eventually closed it. Just remembered it, and had to go through the pages of the post to find my comment. Naturally it was towards the end of the post. 13 pages in. Why didn't I start at the beginning!?

My 'relationship' with his is long, pitiful, pathetic, stupid, toxic, inexplicable, and quite melodramatic when told from my point of view. Sorry.

The extremely long entry is under this cut. )
Anyway. I don't know why I've typed this all out I didn't think it would get this long, but I couldn't stop. Believe it or not, I left quite a bit out. But I think this is far more than plenty. I have on occasion told large chunks of the story at different times in the past, to different people, for different reasons. But at the moment I don't know exactly. Maybe it's catharsis or maybe it's for the pity and support that I actually get uncomfortable when I receive. There are only a few responses people can give without being an asshole. That I'm better off without him. That he's scum and I deserve better. That I'm not worthless. That you hope I can get past this some day. That I need to stop taking ambien, or to take it more responsibly. That you love me. That I'll never have the love/respect of someone until I can love/respect myself. Or other comments that WOULD put you into asshole territory. I guess I just wanted you guys to know who/what I really am. But if you really read all of this I guess it would help if you let me know. Just so I know who among you knows who I really am, and who took the time to read all of this, because considering how insanely long this is, you'd best believe I appreciate it.

To end on a positive-like note, I do have a third accomplishment. I can be quite the social butterfly(although people from [ profile] ohnotheydidnt might have a different term) online with plenty of people, but like I said, not real-time. The third accomplishment is mostly because of my trio of PROFOUND BOND friends from a Supernatural fan community. I'm getting better at having a quick dialog on twitter (more or less real time), the occasional lengthy text conversation, and a few times some lengthy IM conversations. If you're reading this, Female-J2 and Sarah thank you!
violue: (Default)
*ahem* WELL. 20 hours ago, after what was an incredibly horrible bout of sleep paralysis, my mom woke me up with a plate of my faaavorite chicken sticks and jojos from one of the general stores nearby. Then I found a new picture of my beloved Misha circulating the internet. It's a legitimate photo, but doesn't his head seem kind of big? He still looks hot as hell.

Then I discovered Jared Padalecki had made a twitter. Lots of fun has been had with that throughout the day. I'm looking forward to much snark between he an Misha. Here's a video of him breaking the news:

Then I decided to take one of the three adderall pills a friend gave me like a month ago, and start writing in the hopes that if I was writing when it kicked in, I would be completely focused until it wore off. Unfortunately, when it kicked in, I hadn't started writing yet, and was playing on ONTD and twitter. Which is mostly what I did for 18+ hours. I tweeted 341 times throughout that time.

In between all that, I did THIS on accident, and still have barely gotten the taste out of my mouth.

Four hours later, I ended up spending two hours solving THIS enchanting puzzle. It's not really a puzzle. I was just trying to find something and got obsessed once I couldn't. It's not just my first comment you have to read, the process continues with my comments I put in response to my original comment.

Two hours after that, I got an e-mail from my friend, who told me he'd gotten my letter. I wrote the lyrics to Never Gonna Give You Up as if it were a letter, and mailed it to him without saying a thing about it in advance. He said he kept laughing for 5 minutes. I got warm fuzzies. I love him. I hope he pins it to his refrigerator.

Three hours after that, I started spamming cupcake pictures in the last few pages of THIS post, as it had gone O/T and I really love pictures of cupcakes. They're very pretty.

I think two hours after that, my beloved Misha posted this:

I then exploded with a major case of the squee-lawls.

I wanted to make a gif of it, but I usually download things from youtube to do that, and the video was originally on twitvid. It took me forever to get it downloaded to my computer, because the usual methods weren't working, and I got all stubborn AGAIN, and decided I would not relent until I made that damn gif. It was just a tiny god damn gif, completely inconsequential, much like my Keri Russell baby quest. But after about two hours, I did it. I didn't feel the same sense of accomplishment though. I did upload it to youtube though. And posted this gif to my tumblr:

Two hours after THAT, I made this:

I don't know. And I just spent more than half an hour typing this up. I was going to post it as a response to that question on ONTD in the form of a comment, but I guess I got a bit too carried away for that.

And for 18 hours, I've had a video file open in VLC that I was going to watch but didn't get around to. (one of the many, many HIMYM episode I haven't seen: Slapsgiving 2)

There's quite a big estimation going on with when I did all those things, but Gmail, ONTD Comments I made, and my Twitter timeline helped me piece together what the fuck I've been doing all this time.

I've got to be honest, I'm scared to go to sleep, I don't want to deal with the sleep paralysis and false awakenings I was experiencing. It was seriously awful.

There's no way anyone read all of this. Right?? Skipping to the end doesn't count. You have to have read this entire entry, and read/watched/viewed everything I linked throuhout. I'll let the issue of the cupcakes slide.
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