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Sep. 10th, 2004 12:43 pmtired...always tired...
picking up new perscription today...20mg of fluoxetine instead of 10mg. bweee....
every morning I sort of wake up and all at once remember everything I'm kinda "down" about. But I bet everyone does that... sort of "oh yeah, I'm depressed." thoughts.
I'm trying to keep myself occupied every day... watching excessive amounts of TV does the job more or less... and I've been drawing some headshots and whatnot for characters in a story I'll probably never actually create. but something's missing...something's definitely missing. ..but i guess something has always been missing.
...I don't know...I woke up at the beginning of the week and found that I'd been forcing myself to live in a dream world for far too long. i'd been unable to see the truth about certain things, certain people, and now that i see some part of that truth, all i want to do is hide. aside from my mom, my brother and his friend, and cookie, I haven't really talked to anyone in days...not that I've locked myself in my room... i still get dressed and whatnot every day... go to the store for squirt...been trying to get my cat to go outside... but still I feel like I've reached a new level of bland. all i have in me is the instinct to spend the day in my bed, staring catatonic at the TV...wondering how long ive been like this.
at first I'd think five days...but that's just the latest round... no, it's been much much longer.
ugh. enough with the dramatics for now. time for me to shower, have lunch, and stagger off in search of effective medication.
picking up new perscription today...20mg of fluoxetine instead of 10mg. bweee....
every morning I sort of wake up and all at once remember everything I'm kinda "down" about. But I bet everyone does that... sort of "oh yeah, I'm depressed." thoughts.
I'm trying to keep myself occupied every day... watching excessive amounts of TV does the job more or less... and I've been drawing some headshots and whatnot for characters in a story I'll probably never actually create. but something's missing...something's definitely missing. ..but i guess something has always been missing.
...I don't know...I woke up at the beginning of the week and found that I'd been forcing myself to live in a dream world for far too long. i'd been unable to see the truth about certain things, certain people, and now that i see some part of that truth, all i want to do is hide. aside from my mom, my brother and his friend, and cookie, I haven't really talked to anyone in days...not that I've locked myself in my room... i still get dressed and whatnot every day... go to the store for squirt...been trying to get my cat to go outside... but still I feel like I've reached a new level of bland. all i have in me is the instinct to spend the day in my bed, staring catatonic at the TV...wondering how long ive been like this.
at first I'd think five days...but that's just the latest round... no, it's been much much longer.
ugh. enough with the dramatics for now. time for me to shower, have lunch, and stagger off in search of effective medication.
