![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
I never get tired of that song. Had a good night last night, only to have a terrible morning. Guilt is a bitch. On the way home from wherever it is that I was at, I listened to Linkin Park's "Numb" the entire time. It took me an hour to get home, so ...obviously I heard the song alot. I was completely okay with this, it played at least 20 times and my head sung along the entire time.
I had an interesting day I suppose. I left...'wherever it is that I was' around 3, and got home to find that my mom had bought me...o_o...toys. Ever seen those "My Scene" dolls? They're kinda cute actually..she got me three. No, I'm not regressing, and no my mom is not some crazy old bint that thinks I'm 8 years old ;)...she was just being cute. But I'm glad she did, cause it made me feel better... oO; (okay maybe I am regressing, cause i did spend a considerable amount of time posing the figures and such...THE JOINTS BEND!!! MY OLD BARBIES NEVER DID THAT!!!)
---------------
I didn't eat anything from yesterday at noon until about 4pm today... which... was sort of accidental, poor timing was a big factor and I never got a good chance to eat... and also I'd managed to get abot 3 hours or less of sleep, so I was a bit loopy(and in need of a shower, but, that's neither here nor there) when I got home...
Before I left though, I wrote this...um... I don't know, rant in my notebook. Thought I'd share it with you all.
Keep in mind this was something I wrote when I'd finally become awake enough to stop being disoriented about my lack of sleep, and start being depressed about stuff going on around me...
So, like most things I say, it doesn't make a lick of sense.
There's something I have to remember. It doesn't matter. None of it. I have to remember that more than half of what I do on a day to day basis fades into the ether of my subconscious never to be called upon again. So why should slightly more important details be any different? Are they changing my life in the slightest way? No, not really, the only aspect of change I feel is really incurred(uhhh...in my ranting state I was obviously abusing my vocabulary...incorrectly at that...) upon me by the way I dwell on what has happened, what I cannot change. There's nothing I can do. I am powerless against the past, but not against the future. For me the future is unwritten, and there is more sense in considering the future than crying over the past. It's just hurting me, and I've had enough self-inflicted pain for a lifetime.. Isn't it time I made myself smile, instead of making myself cry?
I had an interesting day I suppose. I left...'wherever it is that I was' around 3, and got home to find that my mom had bought me...o_o...toys. Ever seen those "My Scene" dolls? They're kinda cute actually..she got me three. No, I'm not regressing, and no my mom is not some crazy old bint that thinks I'm 8 years old ;)...she was just being cute. But I'm glad she did, cause it made me feel better... oO; (okay maybe I am regressing, cause i did spend a considerable amount of time posing the figures and such...THE JOINTS BEND!!! MY OLD BARBIES NEVER DID THAT!!!)
---------------
I didn't eat anything from yesterday at noon until about 4pm today... which... was sort of accidental, poor timing was a big factor and I never got a good chance to eat... and also I'd managed to get abot 3 hours or less of sleep, so I was a bit loopy(and in need of a shower, but, that's neither here nor there) when I got home...
Before I left though, I wrote this...um... I don't know, rant in my notebook. Thought I'd share it with you all.
Keep in mind this was something I wrote when I'd finally become awake enough to stop being disoriented about my lack of sleep, and start being depressed about stuff going on around me...
So, like most things I say, it doesn't make a lick of sense.
There's something I have to remember. It doesn't matter. None of it. I have to remember that more than half of what I do on a day to day basis fades into the ether of my subconscious never to be called upon again. So why should slightly more important details be any different? Are they changing my life in the slightest way? No, not really, the only aspect of change I feel is really incurred(uhhh...in my ranting state I was obviously abusing my vocabulary...incorrectly at that...) upon me by the way I dwell on what has happened, what I cannot change. There's nothing I can do. I am powerless against the past, but not against the future. For me the future is unwritten, and there is more sense in considering the future than crying over the past. It's just hurting me, and I've had enough self-inflicted pain for a lifetime.. Isn't it time I made myself smile, instead of making myself cry?
