![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
I'm feeling incredibly bitter right now. I don't know where this feeling came from, because I was just watching and enjoying a DVD and especially the blooper reel, so feeling rather angry and bitter is a bit of a surprise. That's always interesting when a person's own emotions sneak up and scream a good hello. Anyway, I'm sure it will pass, I just don't really like it. It's not the sort of passionate bitterness that one can go through without remorse, no it's more of an internal cruelty directed at others, or situations, but one not so strong as to override the guilt that might come with thinking negative feelings.
Not only that, but I'm feeling that sort of anger where I want people to know I'm angry, but I don't want to tell them, because then I would have to figure out why, and then I would have to tell them why, and then of course by the time I'd gotten all my feelings out I would have completely lost the concept of that anger that I was so 'lovingly' holding onto. This happens too much.
----
Something seems slightly off about the way I'm writing this. This sort of thing usually happens when I read an entire book in one night and for hours afterward my thoughts are organized and narrated instead of chaotic and random, I start thinking in properly formed sentences instead of peices of them. This has actually been happening alot this week. I feel like I'm dictating some great manifesto only I'm not saying any of it out loud, and usually I don't bother to write things down, which means whenever I have and interesting thought that I should probably record, it just gets lost, lovely wording and all, and I can never think of it quite the right way again. It might have been some huge explanation for how I live my life that I was thinking of, or it might have been a clever way of looking at the way twinkies are packaged. It all gets lost just the same.
----
Actually to be honest I like when my sentences and thoughts get like this. It's neat. Maybe nobody reading this can tell the difference between the way I'm writing here and the way I write any other entry/rant/confession, but as I know myself better than anyone, I certainly notice the difference.
It makes me want to write a novel or something.
Not only that, but I'm feeling that sort of anger where I want people to know I'm angry, but I don't want to tell them, because then I would have to figure out why, and then I would have to tell them why, and then of course by the time I'd gotten all my feelings out I would have completely lost the concept of that anger that I was so 'lovingly' holding onto. This happens too much.
----
Something seems slightly off about the way I'm writing this. This sort of thing usually happens when I read an entire book in one night and for hours afterward my thoughts are organized and narrated instead of chaotic and random, I start thinking in properly formed sentences instead of peices of them. This has actually been happening alot this week. I feel like I'm dictating some great manifesto only I'm not saying any of it out loud, and usually I don't bother to write things down, which means whenever I have and interesting thought that I should probably record, it just gets lost, lovely wording and all, and I can never think of it quite the right way again. It might have been some huge explanation for how I live my life that I was thinking of, or it might have been a clever way of looking at the way twinkies are packaged. It all gets lost just the same.
----
Actually to be honest I like when my sentences and thoughts get like this. It's neat. Maybe nobody reading this can tell the difference between the way I'm writing here and the way I write any other entry/rant/confession, but as I know myself better than anyone, I certainly notice the difference.
It makes me want to write a novel or something.
