Jun. 5th, 2011

violue: (Default)
*ahem* WELL. 20 hours ago, after what was an incredibly horrible bout of sleep paralysis, my mom woke me up with a plate of my faaavorite chicken sticks and jojos from one of the general stores nearby. Then I found a new picture of my beloved Misha circulating the internet. It's a legitimate photo, but doesn't his head seem kind of big? He still looks hot as hell.




Then I discovered Jared Padalecki had made a twitter. Lots of fun has been had with that throughout the day. I'm looking forward to much snark between he an Misha. Here's a video of him breaking the news:



Then I decided to take one of the three adderall pills a friend gave me like a month ago, and start writing in the hopes that if I was writing when it kicked in, I would be completely focused until it wore off. Unfortunately, when it kicked in, I hadn't started writing yet, and was playing on ONTD and twitter. Which is mostly what I did for 18+ hours. I tweeted 341 times throughout that time.

In between all that, I did THIS on accident, and still have barely gotten the taste out of my mouth.

Four hours later, I ended up spending two hours solving THIS enchanting puzzle. It's not really a puzzle. I was just trying to find something and got obsessed once I couldn't. It's not just my first comment you have to read, the process continues with my comments I put in response to my original comment.

Two hours after that, I got an e-mail from my friend, who told me he'd gotten my letter. I wrote the lyrics to Never Gonna Give You Up as if it were a letter, and mailed it to him without saying a thing about it in advance. He said he kept laughing for 5 minutes. I got warm fuzzies. I love him. I hope he pins it to his refrigerator.

Three hours after that, I started spamming cupcake pictures in the last few pages of THIS post, as it had gone O/T and I really love pictures of cupcakes. They're very pretty.

I think two hours after that, my beloved Misha posted this:



I then exploded with a major case of the squee-lawls.

I wanted to make a gif of it, but I usually download things from youtube to do that, and the video was originally on twitvid. It took me forever to get it downloaded to my computer, because the usual methods weren't working, and I got all stubborn AGAIN, and decided I would not relent until I made that damn gif. It was just a tiny god damn gif, completely inconsequential, much like my Keri Russell baby quest. But after about two hours, I did it. I didn't feel the same sense of accomplishment though. I did upload it to youtube though. And posted this gif to my tumblr:




Two hours after THAT, I made this:




I don't know. And I just spent more than half an hour typing this up. I was going to post it as a response to that question on ONTD in the form of a comment, but I guess I got a bit too carried away for that.

And for 18 hours, I've had a video file open in VLC that I was going to watch but didn't get around to. (one of the many, many HIMYM episode I haven't seen: Slapsgiving 2)

There's quite a big estimation going on with when I did all those things, but Gmail, ONTD Comments I made, and my Twitter timeline helped me piece together what the fuck I've been doing all this time.

I've got to be honest, I'm scared to go to sleep, I don't want to deal with the sleep paralysis and false awakenings I was experiencing. It was seriously awful.

There's no way anyone read all of this. Right?? Skipping to the end doesn't count. You have to have read this entire entry, and read/watched/viewed everything I linked throuhout. I'll let the issue of the cupcakes slide.

Catharsis

Jun. 5th, 2011 11:50 pm
violue: (Default)
A few days ago I was talking to someone about a comment I'd left on ONTD a while back about the sad sad story of Zach, often referred to on LJ/Twitter as "the evil-ex"... I remembered exactly which post it was, mostly because it was an Amanda Seyfried post with a more or less memorable title "Amanda Seyfried Scared Of Sex".. Anyhoo found the post right away, was going to go through it, then just...left it in a tab and eventually closed it. Just remembered it, and had to go through the pages of the post to find my comment. Naturally it was towards the end of the post. 13 pages in. Why didn't I start at the beginning!?

My 'relationship' with his is long, pitiful, pathetic, stupid, toxic, inexplicable, and quite melodramatic when told from my point of view. Sorry.

The extremely long entry is under this cut. )
Anyway. I don't know why I've typed this all out I didn't think it would get this long, but I couldn't stop. Believe it or not, I left quite a bit out. But I think this is far more than plenty. I have on occasion told large chunks of the story at different times in the past, to different people, for different reasons. But at the moment I don't know exactly. Maybe it's catharsis or maybe it's for the pity and support that I actually get uncomfortable when I receive. There are only a few responses people can give without being an asshole. That I'm better off without him. That he's scum and I deserve better. That I'm not worthless. That you hope I can get past this some day. That I need to stop taking ambien, or to take it more responsibly. That you love me. That I'll never have the love/respect of someone until I can love/respect myself. Or other comments that WOULD put you into asshole territory. I guess I just wanted you guys to know who/what I really am. But if you really read all of this I guess it would help if you let me know. Just so I know who among you knows who I really am, and who took the time to read all of this, because considering how insanely long this is, you'd best believe I appreciate it.

To end on a positive-like note, I do have a third accomplishment. I can be quite the social butterfly(although people from [livejournal.com profile] ohnotheydidnt might have a different term) online with plenty of people, but like I said, not real-time. The third accomplishment is mostly because of my trio of PROFOUND BOND friends from a Supernatural fan community. I'm getting better at having a quick dialog on twitter (more or less real time), the occasional lengthy text conversation, and a few times some lengthy IM conversations. If you're reading this, Female-J2 and Sarah thank you!

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